AKA How to Pass the “Are You Kidding Me?” Test
I love champagne.
I mean, ooh, I love champagne. The sexy crashing sound as it hits the glass; the musty, bready aroma of the good stuff; the omniscient, Zelda-Fitzgerald-feeling from a single, perfect glass.* Heck, I even love how you can take nearly-mediocre stuff and pour it with Guinness and get Irish heaven (otherwise known as a Black Velvet).
So when my local mega-liquor-store sends me their weekly e-newsletter with a $5 off coupon for champagne, I hit print and get ready to go, now. Boy, do they know me, I’m whistling.
On the way out the door, the fine print catches my eye: any purchase over $100.
No champers for this author.
Folks, this is 5%. Not even tricky math; I’m not drinking yet. That is an incentive to nobody.
By the time I drive there and back, the five bucks is gone one way or another. At $5 off my usual $35 bottle, this still seemed like a good reason to throw some CO2 into the air. At $5 off $100? I’ll sit back down, because I’m going to need the other $65 for filling up the tank. I got half a good Experience out of this, which is worse than none at all.
Did this pass the “Are you kidding me?” test with anyone at corporate besides the person who wrote it? Why bother?
Tip: When you offer an incentive, you are looking to overcome a resistance your customer has to purchasing from you. Do a little research, use a little common sense. Know how high the barrier is, so your incentive can overcome it. Put a cork in the fine print.
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
* “Champagne’s a heavy mist before my eyes,” says Jimmy Stewart’s character, Macaulay Connor, in The Philadelphia Story. Mmm.
Did you get a chance to read Thursday’s article? I’m surprised to be saying this: no one has found the post where I make a reference to my age yet. There’s a prize involved for you, and five days left to find it! Why not click here to read the rules, and take a Whack at it?
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18 May 2008, 1:55 am
Kelly
I hate those “incentives” where it looks like they’re giving you something, but then you discover that you have to BUY something first.
Like those Fast-Food coupons. Get a free burger…but only if you first buy another burger, AND drink AND fries at regular price.
Not everyone wants a 2nd burger when they’ve already just bought a 1200-calorie meal.
What if I don’t want fries and a drink?
Why not just give me one burger with a 20% discount with no strings attached?
I hardly use those stupid coupons anymore.
18 May 2008, 7:24 am
Friar,
You keep the weirdest hours. Do you sleep at work or something?
Yeah, I hear you. Buy one, get one is useless if you don’t want the extra stuff. That happened to me at my auto parts store. They had buy one, get one free antifreeze. With a rebate. Like a sucker I did it, ‘cuz I don’t know anything about cars, then come to find out the van doesn’t even take one bottle, nevermind two, and a friend tells me I’ll have forgotten where I put the other one long before I need it again. He’s probably right, since I don’t think I’ve ever put antifreeze in before. To top it off, I forgot to send the rebate in on time so I didn’t get my money back! Grrrr.
Similar… My daughter likes a little something to eat when I pick her up from school. Usually we go the healthy route and eat something good at home, but every once in a while I feel like I’m being too strict so I over-compensate by heading to the big yellow M for an apple pie.
Here it’s always 95¢ for one pie, $1.00 for two. They get NUTS if you won’t order two. (My daughter is getting taller, I’m not, so I just don’t want a dessert at 3pm, thanks!) I’ve even had them ignore me clearly telling them one, charge me for two, and then get incensed when I don’t want them both! It ain’t the nickel, people. I don’t want too much food in my car.
Thanks for popping in when sleep might have been a reasonable option!
Regards,
Kelly
18 May 2008, 9:01 am
Although it isn’t the same as your “are you kidding me” example, I have one that has always irked me a bit.
In Ontario about 5 or so years ago, there was a motion put forth in the government to exempt people who send their kids to private school from paying taxes into the public school system.
Umm, huh? So, you’re rich enough to be able to send your kids to private school, but you don’t want to contribute to the greater good?
Maybe some would disagree with me, but it just didn’t make sense.
For a more relevant example, I point to movie theatres (think megaplexes, not the little ones in Splat Creek).
All you can eat popcorn and all you can drink pop. Free refills on both.
If you buy the 10 pound bag of popcorn and the 2 gallon drink, for $10.
*Nobody* can actually get through one bag and one drink to get to the refills… and I guess that’s the point, the way the marketing works.
Look at the “good deal” you get if you buy these great big sizes…
Then again. If I take my family to one of these theatres, I’ll bring 5 extra plastic cups in my pocket, and we’ll share
Hmm – here’s something else I admit to doing, when we used to go to the megaplex in Hamilton, they had free refills on Starbucks coffee. The same coffee cups lived in my wife’s purse for almost a year
18 May 2008, 9:14 am
Brett,
So tell me the motion failed? Sending your kids out of the system is a choice. If you don’t like paying double, you put them back in the system and become part of the solution. You don’t ask for your money back to make things worse!
Hey, seriously, you have movie theatres in Splat Creek? A lot of little places don’t have them anymore. My parents have to drive to Rutland, Vermont (a half an hour away) to the nearest theatre. Their town’s not big but there are plenty that are larger nearby, and there’s nowhere to go.
Eww. Seriously too much food and drink. I’d need a way bigger brood to make that work.
Now you can never go to the Hamilton megaplex again, because they’re reading this. They’ll look for the funny shoes, and demand you cough up $142.50 for all that coffee.
Regards,
Kelly
18 May 2008, 11:40 am
@Brett
Fill me in..where is this magical movie theater in Splat Creek? (Is it something only you locals know about, and won’t tell out-of-towners like me?)
The closest one I go to is 30 minutes away.
When we were kids, my folks didnt’ have much money. My Mom couldn’t afford the theater popcorn. She made it at home and we snuck it into the movie in small bags.
@Kelly
As for all of these “Supersize” buy-one-get-one free food deals. It’s a diminishing return on the pleasure you get. I don’t understand why stores do this to us.
Why not just sell half as much food at half the price?
Mabye it’s a CIA conspiracy to keep the population obese and well-fed, so that the U.S. can plan the next invasion!
Yeah, that’s it. Must be.
18 May 2008, 11:56 am
Friar,
My mom did that too; she also used the “it’s healthier” excuse. Ma, if I wanted healthy while watching Star Wars, I’d have asked you to pack broccoli.
I love theatre popcorn now, and I blame the deprivation. I still can’t eat the vats they give you, though.
“Half the food at half the price.” That’s actually a really hot trend at full-service restaurants right now. “Little plates.” I agree it should be even more widespread, and maybe it will make its way to junkier places.
I hate to say this to a Canadian, but it’s not always all about you. The CIA doesn’t even care about us. They’re busy planning some other thing.
^^
. .
^
o
Until later,
Kelly