So, My Stats Are a Little Sad After the Move, and They Want Me to Visit Extra Right Now…
I’m obsessing, but I’m not blind, so I notice this small banner from FeedBurner today:
A free vinyl-y sticker could be yours for the low price of a self-addressed stamped envelope.
1. When you use the word “vinyl-y,” I am automatically not interested. Ugh. Please tell me who your target market is. Are there people who say “ooh, vinyl-y,” in any demographic? Not even “vinyl.” Note that well. “Vinyl-y,” as in “even vinyl would be too classy for you suckers.”
2. When you use the word “free,” you may not use it in conjunction with the phrase “for the low price of.” ‘Cuz that’s not free, people.
3. And perhaps most glaring: There’s so little information here, yet I have rarely heard an offer that was less appealing than this. What is it and why would I want such a thing? Are you kidding?
Maybe I should have clicked on the link. I hope they are kidding.
Takeaways: Know who you’re talking to. Talk benefits, not features (I hate to call “vinyl-y” a feature, but let’s face it, it’s not a benefit). Never, never say free if there’s a cost involved.
Don’t be slippery. Or vinyl-y.
How about you? Do you know who you’re talking to, and why they’d want what you offer?
Sounds simple, but it’s one of the hardest questions to answer simply. If you haven’t had a chance to check out my guest post at Just Creative Design, Dudes and Dolls and Design Decisions, you may find some answers there.
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
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19 June 2008, 9:14 am
Vinyl-y.
When I read that, why do I think of Ron Jeremy?
(make it stop, make it stop)
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post…field of dreams - the dream meme.
19 June 2008, 9:40 am
That’s the first think I thought of when I saw this…Vinyl-y.
Because a cheesy petroleum product-based textile isn’t good enough for you. But we’ll give you an ersatz version.
Reminds me of those crappy gelatin deserts you see in the supermarket (which I’ve never bought). “Edible oil product”.
MMMmmmmm. Mabye served on a vinyl-y plate.
Friar’s last blog post…Friar’s Tips to Seniors: How to Annoy the Younger Generation
19 June 2008, 1:04 pm
Kelly,
I got a letter in the mail yesterday informing me I could pay $63.00 to have my site listed with some obviously high priced search engines. They didn’t even say who they were. Screw that.
And we don’t play vinyl-y records anymore, either.
Don’t worry, I’m sure you will be where you were soon enough. I don’t know much about stats other than the little graph I use as my stat plugin. It’s kind of interesting. Goes up, comes down, goes up, comes down. It’s usually down, but I’ve had a few big spikes.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post…The Magic Forest
19 June 2008, 1:55 pm
Brett,
I am very sorry to hear that. Not because I feel bad for you, but because you have now passed on that thought. Though I think that would be “rubber-y.”
^^
. .
^
o
Friar,
Why I think you’re awesome. One day you’re writing poetry, the next you’re using “ersatz” in a sentence.
My previous favorite at the grocery store was American cheese, which is mainly not cheese, and says on the package “Pasteurized processed cheese food.” Cheese food? Whaa??
“Edible oil product” beats that hands down. Gross.
Ellen,
Well, don’t weep for my stats (that would be two of us). I’m not really here to take over the world, so I’ll survive. Plus, it’s not like I was the biggest blog on the block before! A drop when you’re a little guy is just so… distressing. I mean how much lower can it go, lol.
I’m just hoping everybody who wants to, finds their way over, and of course I’m hoping that everybody wants to. Then we can go from there.
TypePad had nice stats. WordPress’ stats are rather slim, so now I have to do things like pay attention to Google Analytics and FeedBurner to get a good picture.
Okay, not a good picture, right now…
Regards,
Kelly
19 June 2008, 2:34 pm
@ Kelly: Funny! Because when I moved from Blogger, my stats went up! Give it some time…you know how people are with change. I love WordPress. They’ll find you. I’m surprised by how many people have randomly found me just googling odd things.
The vinyl-y thing made me guffaw!! And I love posts like yours pointing out all that’s wrong with a single sentence. Satisfying.
Ewww. I know what you mean about those food descriptions. Colin and I are vegetarians so we see lots of funny alternatives. I’m supposed to stay away from dairy too but anything marked edible when it’s clearly supposed to be food scares me. It implies it perhaps shouldn’t be and they made it so. Or something. In any case, there’s too much screwing around going on with food. I like it pure. Tell it to me straight. Give me food from my garden any day, or stuff whose ingredients I can pronounce and recognize!
steph’s last blog post…Thank You
19 June 2008, 2:45 pm
Steph,
Believe it or not (you know me a bit, so you will believe it) this post was longer. I had more I wanted to say about everything that’s wrong with that hideous little sentence, because everything is wrong with it.
If anyone at all took them up on it, I want to interview that person. WHY???
Marked edible when it’s supposed to be food! LOL!
The rules and regs surrounding what we eat are just astounding. Some lawyer made them do that, for sure.
Regards,
Kelly
19 June 2008, 2:53 pm
@Kelly,
(mind in gutter)
so it could go either way!
The most common “ones” are latex rubber as you know, the newer ones being polyvinyl chloride
(/mind in gutter)
Brett Legree’s last blog post…field of dreams - the dream meme.
19 June 2008, 3:01 pm
Both Ron and I are too old to know that.
& the labels are so small, I’d have to pull out my reading glasses.
Oh, dear.
19 June 2008, 3:34 pm
Reminds me of when a Telemarketer called my Mom. They were offering a “free” cell phone. (But you hadda buy the minutes).
My Mom likes to mess with telemarketers’ heads. She said just give me the free phone.
Well, you have to buy the minutes to go along with it, they said.
No, just give me the phone. I don’t care if it dosent’ work. I just want the phone so I can look important and impress my friends.
It dosen’t work that way, ma’am, they told her.
So Mom proceeded to rant at them about it’s not really a FREE PHONE, then. Air is free…sunshine is free…if it’s really a FREE PHONE…it should also come with no strings attached. You’re false advertising, then….why can’t you just give me the PHONE…etc. etc…
Heh heh. She deliberately kept up with this argument until THEY threw in the towel, and left her alone…
(I love it when she does this)
Friar’s last blog post…Inspirational Quotes that Made a Difference in my Life…
19 June 2008, 3:42 pm
Friar,
Your Mom is a corker. Now I know where you get your nerve from!
Until later,
Kelly
19 June 2008, 8:04 pm
Kelly,
All I can say to this is:
^ ^
. .
^
o
(Thank goodness for this little emoticon, gets me out of trouble all the time!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post…field of dreams - the dream meme.
19 June 2008, 8:25 pm
Brett,
Et moi.
Groucho lives on.
20 June 2008, 2:50 pm
Kelly,
How do we read our stats? Is it the google page rank thing?
Rubbery. You guys are too funny. We better keep this clean. This is a professional Alltop Kick Ass blog.
Steph,
I just started getting notified of what people use to find me. Or, more accurately, what they use to find something, and hit on me. hehehe
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post…We Want YOU!
20 June 2008, 3:32 pm
Ellen,
It depends on a lot of things. You’re at WordPress, so you should be able to get at those stats from the dashboard. I’m just getting used to those stats, but so far I don’t like it as well as TypePad’s. Probably has more to do with being used to the other than with any flaws on WordPress’ side.
I just peeked at my stats and most of you will think this is a cute one: someone came to Maximum Customer Experience today on the search term “james chartrand email contact 2008.” Good grief, James. Keep your groupies to yourself. I’m trying to make my own groupies happy here.
Then FeedBurner has stats once you log in (I think you use them for your feed, right?), which I like because theirs are simple to read at a glance but you can dig a bit deeper if you want (what parts of the world people are reading from, etc.).
Google Analytics is something you have to install, but that’s nice info, too. I don’t check it very often because I’m really not that into stats, but I think they have the easiest way to view all-time most viewed posts. It has a lot of nice information that’s not anyplace else, like bounce rate, pages viewed per visit, and average amount of time a visitor spends on your site.
Some people love PageRank. I never, ever look at it myself. Yes, this is partly because it would be depressing, but also partly because I’m just trying to be a resource, not win any races. The other kinds of stats tell me things about who arrives here and what they look for or look at. That helps me decide how best to serve my readers.
PageRank is more like looking at my bank account. Staring won’t help.
(There you go, Men. Short and sweet analogy.
)
Hope that helps!
Regards,
Kelly