Writing your opening sound-bite, Hollywood-style
Can the Mad Men who drive millions of moviegoers worldwide to plunk down 12 bucks to sit in a darkened theatre sharing a group Experience with strangers, teach you how to promote your business?
A great self-promotional sound-bite can be used in a brochure, on your website, or to finally put you at ease when you’re answering the dreaded “So what do you do?” Being able to sum up your irresistible value to a potential customer in a matter of seconds is a great start to providing Maximum Customer Experience.
These folks get paid a heck of a lot of money to write the words that will drive you wild with anticipation. Why not borrow their formula?
Do these coming attractions attract you?
5/29 – Up
Pixar follows up on their movies about gourmet rats and lonely robots with this flick about a grumpy old man and his balloon-powered floating house.
7/1 – Public Enemies
Johnny Depp stars as legendary bank robber John Dillinger and Christian Bale is the G-man on his tail in this true crime drama directed by Michael Mann.
11/6 – The Wolfman
Benicio Del Toro stars as a nobleman who, thanks to a werewolf bite, begins regular moonlit massacres of the local folk.
11/20 – Sherlock Holmes
Robert Downey Jr. brings the legendary London sleuth to life, with Jude Law as the faithful Dr. Watson and directed by Guy Ritchie.
12/25 – The Princess and the Frog
Disney presents its first traditional hand-drawn animated film in five years with a fairy tale set in New Orleans during the Jazz Age.
Let’s break it down:
- BIG NAME (big concept, big draw)
- Character (what the big name is there for)
- Plot (what the character will be doing to hold our attention)
- Little name (little draw, the closer)
Can we really do this?
- GROWING YOUR BUSINESS
- with buzz-worthy Customer Experience
- is almost painless with research, design, and directions to drive your profits up—even in a down economy—
- from VisionPoints, The Experience Designers.
My blockbuster:
Growing your small business with buzz-worthy Customer Experience is almost painless! with research, design, and directions to drive your profits up—even in a down economy—from VisionPoints, The Experience Designers.
Your turn!
Share your blockbuster intro below—have fun with this—or throw out a half-an-intro and your main idea, and let’s see if all our great MCE commenters can help you where you’re stuck!
These promo-bites are excerpted from Yahoo! MovieTalk’s Most Anticipated Movies of 2009.
By the way, can you spot one sound-bite that s*cks in the five Hollywood promotions above? I’ve got a candidate….
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
P.S. I’d love it if you’d take a moment today to Tweet, Stumble, other otherwise spread the word about this post (click on “share,” below).
The MCE sound-bite clinic is open for business, and I do hope you’ll help me prescribe some great tweaks!
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16 January 2009, 10:03 am
What about those lame-ass movie remakes (Part III, IV…V…VI?)
Or remaking a movie from an earlier one.
Or remaking a movie from an old TV show that was never good in the first place?
No originality. No thought put behind the process.
Just re-hashing a tried-and-true formula, that’s guaranteed to make big bucks for the first opening weekend. Then it fizzles out and goes straight to video.
But these movies often DO do make money (Even though the product quality sucks).
I guess a business can also be run like that (If someone is in it for the short-term and dosen’t care what their customers think).
16 January 2009, 10:56 am
Ok, here goes… this is for my photography site.
Todd Smith Photography: Slow time down for a moment.
what do you think… Be honest. I’m not attached.
Todd Smith’s last blog post…What do you think of Engagement Calendars or Daytimers?
16 January 2009, 11:19 am
…must…restrain…self…
….must…NOT….submit smart-ass comment(s)…about…Gorillas!
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 1:55 pm
D’ya ever have one of those days when you’re sure you’re gonna walk back in to a zillion comments…
Nah, me neither.
*note to self: write more about chocolates*
Friar,
The promo for Up just astonishes me. And I would go see that why? The words are in the right order, but I’ve never read anything so blah, and so lacking in relevance!
Apparently we’re supposed to go see it because the word “Pixar” is first. The rest of the sentence was just filler until they got to the period. Ugh.
Todd,
For me, I want the name of the company last (like the director in a couple of the examples), unless that name is, say, Ansel Adams. Because it’s not the big draw.
So what is Todd Smith Photography’s big draw? The WOW concept—maybe something that people who’ve purchased from you comment on a lot? The thing that makes people stop and say “I have to have one”—the way seeing Benicio del Toro’s name makes me say “I have to see that”? What’s the big benefit of coming to Todd Smith Photography? That will make the “character” easier to come up with…
You want to reach inside a current customer’s head and pull out the thing that will mesh with what the potential customer is right about to think, so they hear the words and say “Yeah! I need that!”
And avoid clichés like beautiful, perfect, breathtaking, etc.—which do come to mind when I think of your art, but which don’t differentiate you from anyone else who might also use those same words.
Maybe “arresting”… maybe “captivating”… (nah, I feel like I’ve heard that before).
Something nostalgic, that grabs the heart the way your photos do. Hm. Thinking.
Friar, have you been to Todd’s site? If you have, throw out a few thoughts that came to your mind when you flipped through the images, please? As a fellow artist, I’ll bet you could come up with a good angle to start the sentence off.
Then we need the action, the plot… that’s your “slow time down,” or maybe “capture time”… more active, more engaging? Maybe “stop time”… thinking some more.
Back in a bit. Thinking about the big draw. The sentence will flow from that.
Regards,
Kelly
16 January 2009, 2:13 pm
@ Todd and Kelly
‘
The words that come to mind when I look at Todds site are:
- Stolen Glimpses
- Secret Places
- Heartbeats of Time
(Dunno if that’s too artsy for you,Todd…but Kelly MADE ME do it! )
PS. Kelly, notice I didn’t say anything about inflatable giant gorillas here?
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 3:58 pm
Friar,
Proud I am. Strong you are. Resist you must.
Or some such semi-Forcelike nonsense.
Todd,
Still thinking…
Later,
Kelly
16 January 2009, 5:16 pm
Haunting memories—moments frozen in time. Stolen from nature, brought to your home in the rich art images of Todd Smith Photography.
Hm?
16 January 2009, 5:20 pm
At least you see where I’m going with this. Lead with your best punch, to mix metaphors. If it were mine I’d keep tweaking—that doesn’t “speak” too naturally right now, but I’m getting at the feel I’d want for Todd Smith Photography.
& darned if this isn’t your own personal clinic!
16 January 2009, 5:20 pm
Hey Friar, did you hear the one about the gorilla with the big banana?
Brett Legree’s last blog post…ultimate self-help tool – free for a limited time!
16 January 2009, 5:23 pm
Ack!
Giant gorillas with huge bananas—rollicking fun comes to your comment section, when Brett and Friar strike again.
Todd gets a half an hour. You guys get two minutes.
16 January 2009, 5:27 pm
Kelly,
I was saying to Friar if we did sell our silly blog commenting services, we should steal and modify a name
Introducing “Men With Sliderules”
^ ^
. .
^
o
Brett Legree’s last blog post…ultimate self-help tool – free for a limited time!
16 January 2009, 5:28 pm
@Brett
No. It SLIPPED my mind.
(Get it?…Banana?…Banana peel?…Slip?)
Ook ook EEK. You can never trust those damned dirty apes.
@Kelly
Is two minutes up yet?
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 5:31 pm
@Brett
Or “Boys with Sliderules?”
Seeing how MATURE we are.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 5:34 pm
@Friar,
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
Brett Legree’s last blog post…ultimate self-help tool – free for a limited time!
16 January 2009, 5:37 pm
@Brett
Ahhh…go part the Red Sea, or something.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 5:44 pm
Hey, look. We tripled Kelly’s comments in the past 10 minutes.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 5:46 pm
Boys. My wild Canadian boys.
I already have my Canadian Man. I can’t take any more.
Oh, speaking of which, Friar, did I hear you’ve left me as the last Tweet-free holdout? I have spies…
16 January 2009, 5:47 pm
Friar,
I’d like to thank you for that, because something dire happened to this post. Now I feel better, bananas or not.
16 January 2009, 5:51 pm
@Kelly
Yes…I sadly admit, I assimilated with the Borg and joined the Tweet-Collective.
But fear not…the novelty is already wearing off.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 5:54 pm
I told my spy you were made for the medium, no matter that you don’t like following the crowd.
You could dash in and out while you’re bored (I mean, working hard) at the Factory and do tiny little rants and faux-philosophy.
Probably skip the “assimilated with the Borg and joined the Tweet-Collective,” though. They’re bound to take that badly.
16 January 2009, 6:00 pm
@Kelly
Oh, you know me TOO well!
I’ve already reported that I want to gouge my eyes out, told everyone that I’m AWESOME, told people they’re AWESOME…told James his blog makes me cry….I enquired about the compressibility of fart gas, and I’ve quoted professor F. Meigh.
And that’s just within the past couple of days.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
16 January 2009, 6:09 pm
Okay, now that’s just scary. My spy didn’t tell me anything you said, just that you were about in the Twitterverse. Apparently I do know you too well.
It’s a good thing, right?
Right?
16 January 2009, 7:07 pm
Men with Dirty Dishes in Need of Maids. French Language (and Costumes) Preferred.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post…Fiction Writing: Don’t Touch My Character!
16 January 2009, 7:25 pm
My dear Canadian Man,
Bah. You could do a trillion times better than that.
Okay, why stay on-topic today—so everyone knows Americans melt for foreign accents… Francophones prefer French, too?
(As if anyone would ever melt for a generic U.S. accent!)
& did Friar mention crying at MWP on Twitter? What sort of tears were these? The kind you three Men were crying an hour ago?
Later…
16 January 2009, 7:56 pm
My dear American Lass,
I could do a trillion times better than that. My interest was more in clicking Subscribe to Comments than anything else.
And yes
Francophones prefer French… but have a weakness for English. Typical blended couples also last longer (but most crash and burn before getting to lasting longer).
And Friar and I cried. We were awesome. That’s all I can say. What’s said on Twitter stays on Twitter, I’m afraid.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post…Fiction Writing: Don’t Touch My Character!
17 January 2009, 9:09 am
James,
I’ll pry it out of Friar later.
Oh, Friar… email about weeping, svp?
Hehe.
17 January 2009, 10:36 am
@Kelly
The first rule, is to not talk about Twitter.
The second rule, is to not talk about Twitter.
The third rule, is to NOT talk about Twitter.
Friar’s last blog post…Walking to Work at Minus 37 Celsius
17 January 2009, 11:07 am
Friar,
You totally, completely lie. ROFLOL.
The Deep, EASY Friar.
Still laughing.
17 January 2009, 2:12 pm
I was away all day yesterday (on a product shoot). Just checking back now and wow, did I luck out!! My own personal tag line clinic. Thanks, Kelly and Friar. I hear what you’re saying.
How ’bout something like this: We’ll snap your photo before our gorilla snaps your banana. Hmmm. It’s got potential. Waddaya think?
Todd Smith’s last blog post…Snow in the Desert?
17 January 2009, 2:25 pm
In a world on the brink of financial ruin, in a time where time is running out… One writer must compose a business tome for the ages before darkness descends and shrouds his clients forever.
This is not recession-busting. This is not moving markets. This is one man, one pen, one letter.
And this time it’s personal.
—-
(BTW, did you ever notice that staying on topic is so off-topic these days?)
Graham Strong’s last blog post…Where Web Designers (and Designees) Can Go For Inspiration
17 January 2009, 2:28 pm
@Todd
YESSS!!! Come join me and Brett. Come join the Gorilla commenters!!!
My theory, is you can never have enough references to monkeys!
Friar’s last blog post…Yes, we have NO Breakfast.
17 January 2009, 2:29 pm
@ Graham – Jeez, I just about laid down and died after reading that! Where’s the positive outlook and all your happy words, dude?
In a world full of burgeoning opportunity where people are taking control of their own lives and making their own money instead of relying on the decisions of others, in a time where life is ever-changing into new situations and paths not yet explored…
One writer must push forth that all is not lost and that the age of darkness is only in the people’s minds.
This is recession busting. This is moving a society. This one man, with one pen, and big damned dreams and hopes.
And no one, no economy, no recession and no government will ever take that from me – because it’s personal.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post…Do You Feed Your Muse Well?
17 January 2009, 2:37 pm
Todd,
That is *exactly* what I was going for. Thank goodness you came back and polished it into the blockbuster it should be.
Graham,
I can hear that announcer-dude’s voice… the one who did the voiceovers for Geico until he died last year… can’t remember his name. Anyway, it scares me.
And sorry, you can only have one sentence. LOL anyway. Thanks for sorta kinda being on-topic.
Friar,
If the day is dry enough I’m almost inclined to agree with you. Except that this is part of my business. Sort of like bringing monkeys into my conference room, which I have no doubt you would do.
And maybe it would work. What do I know?
James,
Do it in one killer sentence and I’ll love you forever. C’mon, blow my socks off.
Later,
Kelly
17 January 2009, 2:44 pm
I’m going to keep leaving separate comments so Kelly feels good about the response to her post. hehehe
Kelly – Ok, director’s name (business name) last, that works for me. “Grab a banana while we shoot your inner gorilla – Todd Smith Photography” No, no. I should be serious.
You wrote: “Haunting memories—moments frozen in time. Stolen from nature, brought to your home in the rich art images of Todd Smith Photography.”
Here’s what some of my customers say:
Beautiful! Meditative and restful.
I got such a feel for the day and the time of year and the suspension of worry that happens in the moment of wonderment.
Brought back memories when I walked the fields in Virginia…reflective.
The pictures and your poetic thoughts are awesome! It really opens up one’s mind!!
I am always inspired and refreshed by the beauty of your work.
With the cold and dark weather we are having here your photos give me hope. I am sending this to all my cold and depressed friends.
If I wrote you every time one of your photos made me gasp, I’d be writing you every day. They are a tonic for the soul, an aesthetic smack up the side of the head (and I mean that in a *good* way…). But every now and then I find myself so transported that I must send a deep and profound thank you.
…so realistic that literally when I see it I can smell their fragrance and feel the softness of their petals on my fingertips.
…remind me of the simple joys.
How absolutely deliciously delicate!
You touch my heart again — these are so beautiful – exquisite.
Your photos are eye candy…..
This is what I am talking about when I think of bliss.
Each of these photographs made me stop for a second from breathing.
So how do I boil this down to it’s essence. What’s the wow factor as you say? It’s harder than you think…
Todd Smith’s last blog post…Snow in the Desert?
17 January 2009, 2:50 pm
LOL.
1. If you want me to feel great about it you’ll have to keep logging in under different names and saying how sorry that you got delayed yesterday. Otherwise I’m quite happy as-is!
2. It’s not harder than *I* think, believe me. I know it’s hard to do.
Now I’ve left the smarty-comment, let me take a couple of minutes to look seriously at ths feedback.
And I just noticed that technically, I used two sentences for your Hollywood-tagline. So I broke my own rule. Oops.
17 January 2009, 3:12 pm
Todd,
Actually, those wonderful compliments make me feel like I did get near what I’d want for you. If it were mine, I’d still put more time into getting it to be less of a mouthful, but it seems to hit close to what folks are saying to you.
From their feedback, the words that strike me as most powerful are “hope,” “transported,” and “bliss.” I might try to work one or more of those in. Transported or transporting, especially. Active words pull people into experiencing with you.
And you get awesome feedback. Get their permission and throw those little testimonials all around your sales pages. No tagline works as well as honest third-party drooling, and you have got plenty of it!
Until later,
Kelly
17 January 2009, 3:33 pm
I just went out and had to run back with another idea… what do you think of this line: “See the world for the first time again…”?
Thanks for your feedback… I do have permission to use these testimonials and I’m planning to on the new site. You’re so right, it makes a huge difference to hear real people’s feedback.
I like the words you keyed-in on too. Transported is my one of my favorites.
Here are a few of ideas (with and without the word transported):
See the world for the first time again through the rich art images of Todd Smith Photography.
Transport yourself to a world of bliss through the rich art images of Todd Smith Photography.
Or just, “Experience the bliss of having your own blow-up gorilla transported to your roof with expert care…”
Todd Smith’s last blog post…Snow in the Desert?
17 January 2009, 7:57 pm
Todd,
I like “transport” as the lead. It has great energy.
As you wrote it, I’m noticing that “transport” and “bliss” together make me feel like we’re talking about a day-spa, though.
Guess it’s too much of a good thing.
Big draw: Nature’s wild beauty
What it’s there for: transformed by each passing shadow
Plot: captured for you in the rich art images
Little draw: of Todd Smith Photography
Nature’s wild beauty, transformed by each passing shadow—captured for you in the rich art images of Todd Smith Photography.
Okay, so I played a little more with both words and in the end I didn’t use them. Trying to get more active (“wild,” “transformed,” “captured”), and also more speakable.
I’ll bet you can mash all these ideas together and get something that really works. Hope you had fun with it!
Until later,
Kelly
17 January 2009, 9:12 pm
Thanks, Kelly. It’s still not there for me. I’ll work on it for a while on my own. I know what you mean about transport and bliss in the same line – getting sappy.
Nature’s wild beauty (I photograph more than just nature’s wild beauty – anything or anyone that inspires me)
transformed by each passing shadow (I’m not sure where that came from… I don’t have a reference for it)
captured for you (I like that phrase a lot)
I’ll keep playing. Thanks for letting me be to sole participant in your “clinic”!
Todd Smith’s last blog post…Snow in the Desert?
18 January 2009, 4:53 am
Alright, time to play:
Coming 01/19 – Men with Pens
James Chartrand takes on the virtual world by storm, working feverishly with his faithful companion Harry to pen fantastic copy and create beautiful designs (affordably!) in the hopes of giving regular people a chance at making a decent living online.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post…Do You Feed Your Muse Well?
18 January 2009, 8:36 am
Todd,
James,
*giggles*
I like it, it’s got style and thrills and killer benefits, but… the big concept first?
*giggles again*
It works here, but I don’t think Pancho Villa will want it up on MWP anytime soon. Faithful Pancho.
You could move phrases around and really have something that grabs (people who don’t already know you) there. Awesome energy in it.
You play very nicely.
My friend, what are you doing up at that icky hour, and playing here? I’m tired just thinking about it!
Later,
Kelly
19 January 2009, 10:25 am
@James – Just trying to be delightfully dark…
@Kelly – How ’bout this:
Coming Soon – This Old Website
Graham Strong gives your website the complete makeover treatment, clearing the cobwebs off your content and giving your design a fresh new start that will be, in a word, Strong.
~Graham
Graham Strong’s last blog post…Where Web Designers (and Designees) Can Go For Inspiration
19 January 2009, 12:09 pm
James – who wouldn’t want their copywriting taken by storm!
Graham – great phrase: “clearing cobwebs off your content” I know Kelly’s gonna say put your name at the end. Maybe something like this: Clearing the cobwebs off your content and giving your design a fresh new start, Graham Strong helps your website raise the bar.
Todd Smith’s last blog post…Snow in the Desert?
19 January 2009, 1:41 pm
Graham,
I love the cobwebs, Norm, but y’know, it reminds me too much of how dusty and dank my place is… *cough, cough*
Delightfully dark you are.
Todd,
I agree. Everyone should have their copywriting taken by storm.
Some people should have their copywriting taken by force!
Later,
Kelly
19 January 2009, 2:55 pm
Well, back from a nice relaxing weekend and I’m catching up in the homework you left for us…
* BIG NAME: Stop wishing, start living
* Character: Someday Syndrome
* Plot: gentle ass-kicking and unblocking of thoughts/attitudes
* Little name: Alex Fayle, Someday Guru
Stop wishing and start living with Someday Syndrome, where you’ll gently get your ass-kicked to rid yourself of self-blocking thoughts and attitudes through the inspirational yet practical writings of Alex Fayle, the Someday Guru.
How’d I do?
19 January 2009, 3:44 pm
Alex,
Bravo, bravo! So energetic!
Maybe fewer words, less passive voice, and let Someday Syndrome be what it is—the thing we want to work past (in addition to Alex’s brand name, so add a little double meaning):
Stop wishing and start living beyond Someday Syndrome—get your ass kicked and get rid of self-blocking thoughts and attitudes with Alex Fayle, gentle guide and Someday Guru.
My tweak Rx.
Until later,
Kelly
20 January 2009, 7:56 am
Ooh very nice. I’m going to steal it for something I’m working on.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post…Goals and patience: Michael Martine interview
20 January 2009, 8:30 am
Excelente. Just what I’d hope for!
20 January 2009, 8:30 am
@Todd – thanks! Actually, that’s why I love my slogan — it has my name in it already! (It’s funny, some of my local clients yell my slogan out to me as I meet them, sort of like Norm! on Cheers… Tells me it’s catchy and it works, I guess.)
@Kelly – That’s the idea — at least for your website. Get’s you thinking: when was the last time I cleaned under the rug on that web page?
Unless your web content is less than a year old, everyone has cobwebs…
~Graham
Graham Strong’s last blog post…Where Web Designers (and Designees) Can Go For Inspiration
20 January 2009, 2:05 pm
Well, Graham,
When I have a choice of hope and fear (or other negatives) as motivators, I prefer to move the wording toward hope. So I’d rather talk about shining and fresh and rockin’ and opportunities than cobwebs and the dirt I hid under my rug (hey, don’t look under there!) and how I’ve been a bad girl. Which, no doubt, I have been.
For a blockbuster promo, I want to put the awesome, irresistible, all-smiles outcome front-and-center if at all possible.
Nothing sells like success!
20 January 2009, 3:21 pm
You’ve got a good point there, if I hear you right. Sell the positive, not the negative. Be all that you can be, not avoid being that. Improve on their strengths, don’t point out their weaknesses.
That sort of thing?
~Graham
Graham Strong’s last blog post…Where Web Designers (and Designees) Can Go For Inspiration
20 January 2009, 3:41 pm
Yes. Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive. That sort of thing.