… and Let Me Lean In
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who’s speaking just below a normal speaking volume?
You leaned in. You paid close attention—not because the subject was fascinating, but because you had to, just to hear.
Weeks later, you remember that conversation more than one you had yesterday at the office, and you know what? It was kinda fascinating, now that you think about it.
Speak Softly
Sheepishly, I admit to you that I’m known for forgetting my volume. This story is not a cutely disguised pat on my own back.
“Speak softly” is a classic persuasive technique that I’ve read of, but I’d never seen it used in business. Then a few days ago I saw it done to perfection, by a colleague I know who’s usually a much louder person.
Wow. He had his listener locked in.
While I can get quiet in personal conversations, I sure can’t say it’s in my nature to do this in business. But my colleague turned a difficult situation around almost instantly with his quiet authority—and I stashed it in my bag of tricks right then. I’ve had plenty of complex or awkward conversations where this would have been a big help. Now I’m dying to give it a try.
How about you? Ever tried it—or had it tried on you? Does a soft voice force you to concentrate more, and remember the message better?
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
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31 January 2009, 8:50 am
It does work (I admit I use it at work, and with my kids…)
I think I figured this out on my own a long time ago, in a movie theatre of all places – you know, when people are whispering? And everyone listens? You can actually change the tone of your voice slightly, so it sounds a bit more like a whisper – and then people get even more interested…
Maybe it’s some kind of zen thing or something – the listeners might subconsciously think that the speaker is really confident because she doesn’t have to shout.
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post…viking fridays – turn the spell.
31 January 2009, 9:19 am
Brett,
I do use it in personal situations (works with exes as well a kids…). And I’ve heard/read it suggested for business. Yet until I saw it in action, I never “got” it. Then the light bulb went on!
Mm, maybe it is a zenlike thing. It completely changed the dynamics of this conversation, from something on the verge of going badly to a calm give-and-take.
Now I just have to “keep” it long enough to make use of it. (Blog post as memory device.) I can really imagine a presentation with just a little sotto voce sprinkled in at key points. I’m psyched to give it a try.
Regards,
Kelly
31 January 2009, 10:03 am
I am known to be a soft-spoken person, no matter how loud I attempt to be. I’ve had mixed results with it. For example, when I am offering someone advice, it does seem to stick with them longer because of my soft voice.
However, before I became a freelance writer, I was a waitress. My soft voice combined with the bustling noises of a restaurant and some hearing impaired customers did not turn out so well. I did learn how to combine my words with body language, to get my point across, however!
Thanks for this great idea! It all depends on context to make it work effectively.
~Kimberlee
Kimberlee Ferrell’s last blog post…Writing as an Outsider
31 January 2009, 10:23 am
Kimberlee,
Ho, ho! Now that’s a perspective I just don’t have. Even when I was a kid, my mother would say, “It’s not that you’re loud, dear, but do you know that your voice carries?”
I’ll bet when you get adamant and your volume goes up, that’s when you get folks paying close attention.
Thanks for your comment!
Regards,
Kelly
31 January 2009, 10:36 am
Whispers, modulating below the contextual tone is like speaking with a foreign accent.It is different enough to catch someone’s ear. Especially if it’s something they want to hear.
31 January 2009, 10:41 am
Janice,
Hehe. I was re-watching Philippe Starck’s TED presentation yesterday when I put the Experience Design Conference link in my sidebar… that was exactly it. Every word had to be sucked into my brain and rolled around for a while to make sure I understood it.
I’ve watched it probably 4x now, and from listening so hard, I think I could give half the speech.
Excellent point.
Until later,
Kelly
31 January 2009, 10:57 am
(Click on my name- sneak peek at new site )
31 January 2009, 1:42 pm
Janice,
Best whisper of the day. What a nice sneak peek it is! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Later,
Kelly
1 February 2009, 11:47 am
Eh? What’s THAT? EHHHH?
You’ll have to speak up.
EHHH?
- Mr. Pochinski (The old guy on your street that hoses down his driveway)
1 February 2009, 1:05 pm
My voice doesn’t compete well against other voices. I’ve therefore learned how to use silence in a group setting to get attention turned to me (especially useful when teaching kids and teens).
It used to bug me, but I think my non-loud voice goes well with my message of being relaxed and happy.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post…The choice of too much
1 February 2009, 4:19 pm
One thing I know, talking softly workds on dogs. Get them in a quiet room, when they’re looking at you, and speak softly. They’ll cock their head, prick their ears, and try to ponder what you’re saying like you’re the smartest person in the world.
Or (if you want to mess with your pooch further), stare at them, and very quietly ask them “Whaaaat?”.
It makes them go ballistic…every time. They’ll run off, looking for a toy, because they think it’s playtime.
Hmmm..wonder if you can use thoses tricks on HUMAN customers? (Ask them “whaaat”, and they run off and go get their wallet to buy something).
Someone should try it. And let me know how it works.
Friar’s last blog post…Double-standards you shouldn’t even bother TRYING to argue against…
1 February 2009, 4:37 pm
Friar,
Sorry. I guess I couldn’t hear you earlier.
Heh. You can do the “whaaat?” thing to babies, too. They love it. Dunno if it works on grownups, but I’m thinking…
Alex,
Another soft-spoken reader! Silence, eys, that’s excellent when teaching. I used to spend summers teaching drama to teens (big voice came in handy), and if they were all yakking the most effective thing you could do was simply to stop trying to get their attention. Never took more than a minute for them to wonder how upset you must be if you’d ceased to try to compete with them.
I agree, I’m picturing a very smooth, mellow Alex-voice. Excellent addition to Brand Alex.
Until later,
Kelly
1 February 2009, 8:46 pm
Voice modulation needs to match the moment or it smacks of manipulation. I think if you are practicing empathic listening and are really focused on the other persons needs ans wants and the situation is right, you will lean in because you are caring and really into it,and at least for me, I find it starts to happen naturally without effort or thought.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post…Field Trip
1 February 2009, 8:59 pm
Laid-back yes. Mellow, not so much. When I’m up on stage, I tend to bounce around and wave my arms a lot. As a language teacher I act out a lot of words or phrases, so I’m quite silly at times. I might look like a complete fool, but it’s memorable and everyone enjoys themselves!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post…The choice of too much
1 February 2009, 11:05 pm
Kelly, this was one of my favorite techniques when I was in Corporate. I frequently had to give sales presentations to small and large groups of hospital administrators and physicians. At key points I would drop my voice and slow down the pace and I tell ya it was magic to watch them lean in and listen. It worked like a charm every time. I’d love to be able to translate that in writing but have not yet mastered that technique.
Karen D. Swim’s last blog post…Resource Friday
2 February 2009, 7:11 am
Wendi,
I certainly wouldn’t want to seem manipulative as I work this into my business-voice. However, “naturally” doing it is a long ways off, hehe. Practice makes perfect, so we’ll see what I can do with it!
Alex,
Ah, now I’ve got the full picture. Sounds like a great experience for your students!
Karen,
That’s where I’m imagining it being most powerful. I like hearing that it’s worked for you.
In print?
Yes, that I think I already do (and I’ll bet you do, too). Longer paragraph, longer paragraph, short 2-3 word paragraph, longer paragraph. Changes the pace and lowers the virtual volume for a sec. Modulates the voice on the page… or the screen.
Until later,
Kelly
2 February 2009, 3:55 pm
On a somewhat related note:
Do you remember this cartoon?
Bugs Bunny (pretending to to be Teddy Rooselvelt): “I speak softly, and carry a biiiiig stick!”
Yosemite Sam: “Well, I speak LOUD, and carry a BIGGER stick!” (which he then threatens to pound Bugs with!)
Friar’s last blog post…Another Canadian Moment
2 February 2009, 4:48 pm
LOL. Yosemite Sam would never pump down the volume.