Wednesday Words
To Go Where Your VisionPoints, a few inspiration points for you and your business.
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while
he knows something.
— Wilson Mizner
Stop. What you’re doing.
Stop. Formulating your rebuttal.
Stop. Assuming there is A Person Who Is Wrong in front of you, and then thank goodness, there is You.
It’s been said before. It’s not news. So why is it still such a big issue?
To listen effectively is a one-step process.
STOP.
After a while, you’ll know something.
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
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20 May 2009, 8:42 am
I think that the big problem most people have with listening is that talking is mostly a social interaction. You want to play off what the other is saying in a timely way. So just sitting there and listening is mostly unnatural (for most, anyway…) They are giving you great information, and you want to reciprocate by giving some great information of your own.
Also, some people have a hard time verbally communicating, so formulating a response while the other is talking is natural in this case. Listening is definitely a learned skill.
Then there is that “the other person is wrong” bit. How can you sit there and bite your tongue when a statement that is clearly wrong is floating out there?
~Graham
20 May 2009, 1:00 pm
This post totally reminds me of this trite but sort of apropos quote from my childhood:
God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as often as you speak.
But that’s all very saccharine, innit? Now I feel like swearing really bad…
Charfish Charlie’s last blog post…
20 May 2009, 1:48 pm
Graham,
I feel that you read this entire post while forming your rebuttal. LOL.
Charlie,
Believe me, as I tried to have what really can not properly be called a conversation with this colleague the other day, shouting that exact “two ears one mouth” saying (and some swear words) occurred to me.
But then I realized I was doing what the other person was doing (more colorfully, and with a dash of Kelly-flair, of course!), so I had to chill out and listen. Didn’t help even then, since only one of us was trying. *sigh*
This is what God made blogs for. I’ll bet ulcers are way down since blogging was invented.
Regards,
Kelly
21 May 2009, 8:41 am
I read this and laughed at how non-Spanish this idea is.
The Spanish learn as children how to speak and listen at the same time – to three different conversations at the same time. Interrupting others therefore is natural.
Of course it drives me nuts and so I don’t speak much when I’m in a group. However my listening skills aren’t developing because with five conversations going on at the same time I blank right out and retreat to AlexWorld. I’d do the same if five English conversations were happening too!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post…Taming the Voices in the Personality Zoo
21 May 2009, 11:20 am
Also, don’t forget to use S*T*A*R principles.
Stop. Think. Act. Review.
(heh heh….Though I’d quote from the Corporate Book of Big Brother!)
21 May 2009, 11:22 am
Whoops. Typo.
“THOUGHT I’d quote from the Corporate book…”
21 May 2009, 5:01 pm
There’s two types of people – talkers and walkers.
Talkers, they never shut up, and they tell you “everything there is to know about them”. Walkers, they listen a lot, and in the end, they go places.
In my most recent performance appraisal at work, my boss (sadly, now deceased) asked me why I don’t talk much in meetings. I said that if I hear something worth commenting on, I will speak up.
Not sure if that helped me at all…
@Friar,
How about that other acronym we know:
Foresee, Understand, and Communicate Knowledge – Manage Expectations
That’s the one we learned during Special High Intensity Training, remember?
Brett Legree’s last blog post…turning point.
21 May 2009, 6:50 pm
@Brett
I have all of those training certificates framed, and hung up in my office.
It does the Director proud, it does.
21 May 2009, 6:54 pm
Alex,
When I was over there (long ago…) I stayed for part of the time with the owner of a shoe company and his family. (A manufacturer, not a guy who sells shoes.) A couple of times he took me on lunch meetings. I don’t remember noticing it so much with the kids, but oh my. When four grown men start talking business at each other *all at once*… there are definitely only two choices. Follow one guy, or give up. I know exactly what you mean.
On the other hand, I did have the feeling everything had to be said two or three times because of that. So I think it would be excellent if this were adopted internationally!
Friar,
Srsly? Not that it’s bad advice, but do they really give fourth-grader-type advice to nuclear engineers?
I know I say it too often, but—for shame!
Brett,
“if I hear something worth commenting on…” Heh. Love that.
Those other acronyms?
My. Whole. Week.
Was like that.
*huge sigh*
Until later,
Kelly
21 May 2009, 7:32 pm
@Kelly
Yep. I’m serious.
Not only that, but they make you take a day-long COURSE that teaches this.
Worth every penny, too, I think.
Especially considering how “well” the Factory’s doing at this minute, right Brett?
Friar’s last blog post…Sex is like Toys…
21 May 2009, 7:33 pm
Scary…
21 May 2009, 8:04 pm
Yeah Friar, things *couldn’t be better*… people are knocking down the doors to buy our products.
Brett Legree’s last blog post…turning point.
21 May 2009, 8:33 pm
@Brett
BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Like that “product” that you “recalled” today!
Friar’s last blog post…Sex is like Toys…