The Un-Lumpy Packages Arrive!
Following on Tuesday’s post, Steal These 5 Direct-Mail Secrets, it seemed that all the world had an email offer to make me this week.
“Well, of course those packages aren’t lumpy, Kelly,” I hear you say.
True. But they could have been a lot lumpier.
Real email subject lines from this week, very slightly edited to protect the not-too-innocent:
It’s Here: Our Top Wines List for 2009 (from a shop)
Get My New Business Blogging Book*
What I can teach you about getting what you want
[Name of Blogger] Launches New….
Do you know about our big…
and my (least) fave…
Oh, yeah? Give me one good reason!
Note that these are not spam—these are from companies and authors I’ve given permission to contact me. Yet all would have gone instantly to my trash folder in any other week. They were so striking I kept them around to do this post, but I still wasn’t tempted to open them, even with them cluttering my inbox.
Why didn’t any of these get opened?
They’re all about the sender. Our, My, I.
This, folks, is Email Marketing 101. Direct-mail 101, too:
In the half-second it takes me to decide to open, or toss your carefully-crafted message in the trash, I don’t care about you. I care about me. If you can’t get the subject line right, I’m not sticking around to let you waste more of my time talking about you.
I put the blame for this self-centered copywriting squarely on the medium. Email is free (nearly), so too many people take too little time crafting a message that’s end-to-end awesome. Most of these folks were trading on their name in the “from” space, hoping that I’d click merely because of who the sender was.
Dudes, I’m busy. So’s a lot of your database. If your clickthrough rates are low, stop thinking your name is plenty of fabulousness and start putting some real effort into the copywriting.
If Tuesday’s post got you thinking about online variants of express mail and lumpy packages—start small. Very small. Put your customer front-and-center in those crucial five or six words she reads before she hits the delete button. The content of your email is no good if it never gets read.
How about some good examples? Gotten any emails lately with subject lines so Wow! you couldn’t wait to open them? Drop a comment and tell us how we can get through to you!
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
*To be fair, it turns out my email window cut off the rest of this one, which was “… with $10 off.” In this case, the cart needed to be put before the horse to have any chance at all. The subject line would still be talking about the wrong person, but my mercenary instincts might have kicked in.
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9 October 2009, 4:29 am
“I found for you these free WordPress themes”
“Here’s your tip to help you get into the top 10 of Google’s rankings”
“You won’t believe this idea…that actually worked rather unexpectedly”
You’re quite right – always write to the WIIFM for people to open.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach ´s latest blog… INTENSE Guerrilla Marketing examples
9 October 2009, 6:22 am
“Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.”
-Stephen Covey
Good old Habit #5.
Naturally forgotten, if it ever was known, in the world of blogging and perhaps the whole web at large.
Which makes sense, given the self-centred nature of a lot of what’s out here. Including the stuff I write, so I’m not innocent either.
Maybe you start to see through it, eventually. And the web has a nearly permanent memory.
Self-centred, and a very small niche, even when it appears to be “big”.
So tell me why I should take advice from these folks?
Yeah, it worked for *you* in your very limited environment (e.g. you hit it big in the tech market 15 years ago, and just happened to start a blog or write a book; you live with your mommy and daddy still; you don’t mind living near the poverty line; etc.)
It worked for *you*, but *you* don’t understand *me* – so how the heck are you actually going to get me to buy your story, your e-book, your crap, if you don’t know what really, really bugs me today?
The more I think about this stuff… yeah, you can really see through it. I had a brief exchange with a popular A-list blogger a week or so ago, oh, he has a book too in addition to his 100k+ subscribers.
He said something I thought was a bit silly (something like “the way to be happy is to not have goals”).
I “pride myself” (I think) for being one of the first 2000 or so subscribers there, so I’ve been around.
Seems to me that a lot of what he’s written over the past two years look like GOALS.
He’s made great progress towards things he wanted to do – sort of like GOALS.
So I challenged his line of thinking on Twitter, asked him if he thought he’d have been as successful as he has been if he’d had that line of thinking (don’t have goals) when he started out.
You know… he never directly answered the question. Just said something like “if you’re happy where you are, you don’t need goals”.
Blah blah blah blah… so when’s the new e-book coming out, the one called “How to be happy without goals”?
Huh?
Niche ideas that don’t apply to anyone else, but wrapped up in a tasty package.
Another example… Twitter again (see what you’re missing out on?)
A really nice guy we probably both know re-tweeted a quote I’ve heard before a different way.
Something like, “do what you love and the money will come to you, do what you hate and it will move away from you”.
So I replied (and it’s true), “I make almost 6 figures and I hate what I do – imagine how well I’d do if I loved what I do!”
Yeah.
You don’t understand me, and don’t even care to understand me, but you want me to buy your stupid e-book.
Good luck.
9 October 2009, 7:22 am
Barbara,
I like!
(If the first one said, “Free WordPress Themes I found for you,” even better.)
You got way more openable email than I did this week!
Brett,
“If you’re happy where you are, you don’t need goals.” Unbelievable! If you are completely content, with nothing in mind to accomplish *on any front*, you’re an infant, a bore, or dead.
On the other hand, if you could work at a Factory where you love what you do, I admit, I think that quote from said nice guy could apply. Being treated like ick does make it hard to be a proper go-getter if you hope to move up.
I do some things I love and some things I hate… but I also know how to “love the one I’m with,” so the things I hate, I love.
I’m such a hippie.
Wise thoughts, Brett.
Regards,
Kelly
9 October 2009, 9:14 am
I’m with Brett.
You see a lot of blogs trying to sell you stuff and help you, but they just DON’T GET IT. Their tone can be almost judgemental, at times. Buy this, take my course…if YOU don’t, YOU’RE a loser because YOU’RE not fulfilling your dreams.
At that point, sorry, you’ve LOST me. (Sorry, you have NO idea what my life is like, or what my situation is…).
And like Brett sez, if you read-between the lines, often the “salesman” is barely covering their living expenses, eating Ramen noodes in a basement apartment.
Okay, maybe I’m not following the job of my dreams. But you know what? I can put food on the table any time I want. And there’s always money left over to pay the mortgage.
Hmmm…maybe I should write an E-Book: How to be a Responsible Productive Adult.
9 October 2009, 9:15 am
Here are a couple of good ones:
“Why lowering your prices doesn’t work and how to resist the urge”
“Screw This Up and Your Web Sales Are Over”
My least favorite:
“Time to renew your gift”
And a few from my spam box:
“You will get tired to count the diamonds on your watch”
“We sell the medicine to you with love and care”
“Start a brand new life with a brand new bigger gorilla”
“Call for your diploma now”
9 October 2009, 9:49 am
“Hey, kids!!! Win a giant 20-foot inflatable gorilla”.
That one ALWAYS gets my attention.
Friar´s latest blog… Careful…no peaking!
9 October 2009, 10:38 am
Kelly,
Yep – see, sometimes folks writing this are trying to be all clever.
You can’t live your life without goals, unless you are like 1 second from dying.
What is a goal?
“The purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective.”
Since most of us have as a daily objective making sure we get enough food to eat, we all have GOALS!
It seemed like a lot of the rest of that blog post was going on about just being happy and letting life happen to you, because you couldn’t control things.
Hmm.
I’m kinda hungry, it’s 10:38 right now.
Think I’m going to stand in the hallway outside my office, with my mouth open.
Maybe a cheeseburger will float by so I can take a bite.
Sheesh…
9 October 2009, 10:39 am
PS – yes, I also agree with the second quote, if the Factory becomes the Satisfactory Factory…
9 October 2009, 10:39 am
PPS – still waiting for that cheeseburger.
9 October 2009, 10:58 am
@Brett
You know what? A Piggy Burger sounds tempting right now…
Friar´s latest blog… Careful…no peaking!
9 October 2009, 2:14 pm
Friar,
YES. You should write an e-book. Without your wild perspective the ‘net was a dull place. I think it’s time you got a little $$ for all the stinging insights you bring to the wild wild web—and time the www got a more concentrated dose of Friar.
Mmhm. Do it. Yes.
Todd,
Flattery will get you everywhere.
I like “… and how to resist the urge”—why lowering doesn’t work, I’ve read and even written on, but how to resist sounds like it might add to my knowledge. I’d open that one for sure.
Brett,
Sorry, all we have ’round here is hamburgers. But I’ll lob one at you. Catch!
Better than a plain ol’ cheeseburger any day, lol.
Until later,
Kelly
9 October 2009, 3:18 pm
Funny how advertising is, it is almost impossible to reach me these days. Unless its something I am interested in and I’m already seeking it, it doean’t reach me.
Caution is the name of the game on the Internet these days anyway, beware where you click, else you computer may die. Knowing the way that advertising is going they are going to put it into nano-robots in your cereal and it will sing a jingle in your guts until your buy the product its selling, just to shut it up.
Eyeteaguy
9 October 2009, 3:35 pm
@Eyeteaguy
Or mabye the nano-bots will eat enough of your brain, to make you WANT to buy it.
Friar´s latest blog… Careful…no peaking!
9 October 2009, 3:37 pm
“…beware where you click, else you computer may die.”
Didn’t I tell you to stop running Windows, Eyeteaguy?
(j/k 7 is very secure)
Mmm good hamburger.
9 October 2009, 5:07 pm
Francis,
Brett’s right. Come over to the black-turtleneck’d side, and your computer will plague you no more.
back on-topic… What I was most irritated about was that these weren’t strictly “ads” in the traditional let-me-interrupt-you sense, these were people with permission to email me/ market to me. So all they have to do is make it sing to me—presumably I’m already interested in what they have to say.
I mean, messing that up is just plain lazy.
Brett,
Still tasty after all this time, eh?
Later,
Kelly
13 October 2009, 2:59 am
Interesting how people love my blog and ebooks because they’re about my journey and how people can apply the thins I learned and yet when I sell, it’s not about me at all – it’s about them 100%. That makes marketing difficult for me because I have to turn off my usual writing style and come up with a totally different one that still at the same time feels like the first.
But now that I’m aware of this distinction (thank you for helping me define it!) I can go write the sales piece for my next ebook without stress.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s latest blog… Taking a SLOW Journey: Aukje van Gerven Interview
14 October 2009, 7:02 am
Alex,
Hm. I think the blog and newsletter articles you write that most touch me are about how I can put stories from your journey to use in my life, or parts of your story that remind me of my own, etc.
So the funny thing is, when they get people nodding their heads and saying aha, they’re not as much “about” you as you might think. They’re about your readers putting your experiences to use in their lives… the more readers can relate, the more head-nodding you get on that article.
The ones that work best—that really hit a nerve—aren’t much different from sales writing, whether that’s what you’re intending or not. It’s not ever about you! Your reader comes away thinking “Wow! That Alex writes all about how to solve *my* problems.”
Later,
Kelly
3 November 2009, 12:07 pm
Kelly, I think you and Alex pretty much nailed it here. I read a lot of blogs, but I’m very picky about which ones. (There are SO many out there!) I follow blogs that resonate with me. I can’t just “do” informational. What I read has to give me some sort of take-away (and I hope that my own blog will have that effect on some folks, as well.)
I’m not a big buyer. It’s partly because I’m broke/strapped, but it’s also because I’m pretty satisfied with my life and have everything I need and want (well, mostly!) If I’m going to buy something, it’s not because someone has sold it to me–it’s because I’ve found an item (or a service) that I think will hold value for me. LOTS of value. That could be physical, or it could be sentimental. I’m a tough, indepenedent customer.
The flip side of that is that I’m not a slick salesperson, either, nor do I want to be. I want people who buy my art or services to do so for the same reasons. It makes selling a very difficult task, as I’m sure you can imagine. I honestly have no idea how to adverise without sounding like a slick salesperson. LOL!
Your blog is great! Thank you!
Jennifer Moore
JenniferLynn Productions, LLC
Jennifer Moore´s latest blog… Never Apologize for your Art!
3 November 2009, 5:10 pm
Jennifer,
Good points. I especially like this:
Figuring out how to create that value for your customers—speaking to their physical or sentimental needs—is absolutely the answer to doing less selling, and more guiding to a valuable purchase. Refining that value message is work that’s never completely finished!
Until later,
Kelly