What every small business owner wants is a big metaphorical hug
… or a real hug, some days…
A friend who owns a small business near my home asked me about support the other day.
As in, she wasn’t getting any from her family, and she wanted to know if I had any tips on getting some.
“Her family” was broadly described as her husband, kids, pets, her brothers, and her mom. Dad, apparently, had no opinion, which was just about the same as being non-supportive. Or just about the same as the pets. I forget.
If you’re just starting out on your business journey, maybe you can relate to her woes. Nobody seems to be rah-rah-ing in your corner. You’re working 852-hour weeks and still managing to clean the toilet. It’s bad enough that sales are slow to none, but then your brother seems determined to tear you down, as if your trying to get ahead is a problem for him, when doggone it, he should see it as amazing for you, and…
Yeah.
The only problem is, this woman’s been in business for seven years. She’s no startup entrepreneur.
What’s this story about?
A couple of things. One is, don’t think there’s some magical day when you emerge from the pupal stage gorgeous and fluttering and all your family will suddenly think your business is awesome and they’ve been so wrong about your abilities and your marvellous ideas and they should make time to massage your feet more often and bring you black raspberry ice cream.
It ain’t gonna happen.
In fact, some will actively hate your success more than they actively hated your striving, so you’d better develop a thick skin. (You’ll need it every day in business anyway.) If you’ve been around a while, you should feel free to shout an “a-men!” in the comment section.
The other is, I’m sure your family is wonderful and I can understand your wanting their approval. I’ve heard myths that some people have even got family support, but those tall tales are hard to verify. Whether you’ve got it or not, the prickly truth is, the approval that counts the most is the approval of your customers. You know, the folks you’re trying every day to create Maximum Customer Experience for.
When those folks vote with their dollars for your incredible skills or amazing products, you’ve got the endorsement that you need most. And if you’re chasing family approval instead of satisfied—no, delighted—customers, you are spending a good portion of your day aiming directly at the wrong target.
I hope your family is behind you 100% with horns and banners and pom-poms. But because I’m obsessed with your success, I’d rather that you turn around and see if your customers are part of the parade.
You know I’m there. 
Am I dead-on about where the most important support is, or dead wrong?
Have you got support? How has it changed over the years you’ve been in business? Shout about it in the comments…
Grow and be well,
Kelly Erickson
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23 April 2010, 8:44 am
That’s the thing about being an entrepreneur — you put yourself out there, beyond the fringe and safety of a “real” job.
Sounds romantic, but often putting yourself out there also means out there away from friends and family support. Especially if they don’t have that entrepreneurial spirit themselves.
If family acceptance is really what she wants, she could try closing shop and working for someone else in her chosen field.
If business success is what she wants, she should try ignoring what the family is saying and getting support elsewhere (from customers, as you mention, but maybe also the Chamber or a guild/association).
If family acceptance with her business success is what she wants, well that might be trickier. Stop looking for it might be a good step (the cool kids are always the ones who don’t care — easier said than done though, esp. with family) and maybe putting up her awards, etc. around the house? Set firm working hours if possible so that it seems to be a “real” job?
I dunno… tricky.
~Graham
27 April 2010, 3:12 am
I have been trying to make a go of it as a professional illustrator for thirty years now. Am I rich? Successful? Nope and, uh…no. Sorry, but unless you know some fairly influential people rare is the person who makes it big with a personal enterprise. Nowadays you have to be knowledgeable in other areas as well, like social media, networking, and marketing. Add on top of this the insecure need for acceptance from one’s own family and you might as well go work at Taco Bell.
My advice: live what you love, love what you do – and forget what people think. You’re not living their dreams, you’re living your own.
Doug C.´s latest blog… Designer’s Rant: Psychotic Photoshop
27 April 2010, 5:06 am
Did you delete my comment? I thought I left one here.
27 April 2010, 8:31 am
Graham,
Family support is one of the wildest things to negotiate no matter the career path. Heck, no matter the life path! I suggested, as gently as possible, that if she *really* wants it maybe getting them more involved would help. A lot of times if you’re on the outside things look different than if you’ve spent even a small amount of time in the trenches. It might help.
So many folks will get completely stalled by the family stuff, though—I think one of the best things you can do is as you say, stop looking for it. It can suck all the joy out of your day… and lead to neglecting the ones you really need support from, those buyers. Just puts the focus in the wrong place.
Doug,
No, I didn’t delete it—sorry, it was the middle of the night my time, and first time commenters have to be approved before their comments show up. Again (as I said at the other post you commented on), welcome!
Laughing out loud at “might as well work at Taco Bell.” Not sure that’s a path to acceptance, ha!, but yes, I’ve known those throw-in-the-towel moments.
You hit it on the head—Insecurity is the issue. But insecurity in business owners is so rarely talked about. I like to go there once in a while at this blog, because we may not talk about it but I hear it in way over half of the clients I work with. It’s a huge pain point for so many people!
I like your advice. ” You’re not living their dreams, you’re living your own” belongs on everyone’s wall of inspirations. Thanks for that!
Regards,
Kelly